# Trauma, Anxiety, Dysfunctional Relationships

### Mental Illness: NIH Website: 2022 Data

Mental illnesses are common in the United States and around the world. It is estimated that more than one in five U.S. adults live with a mental illness (59.3 million in 2022; 23.1% of the U.S. adult population). Mental illnesses include many different conditions that vary in degree of severity, ranging from mild to moderate to severe. Two broad categories can be used to describe these conditions: Any Mental Illness (AMI) and Serious Mental Illness (SMI). AMI encompasses all recognized mental illnesses. SMI is a smaller and more severe subset of AMI. Additional information on mental illnesses can be found on the [NIMH Health Topics Pages](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics).

{% embed url="<https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness>" %}

### Inequity and Neuroscience

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/science/2025/sep/30/study-links-greater-inequality-to-structural-changes-in-childrens-brains>" %}

> Scientists have linked the impact of living in an unequal society to structural changes in the brains of children – regardless of individual wealth – for the first time.
>
> A study of more than 10,000 young people in the US discovered **altered brain development in children from wealthy and lower-income families in areas with higher rates of inequality, which were also associated with poorer mental health.**
>
> The data was gathered from the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development study and [published in the journal](https://www.nature.com/articles/s44220-025-00508-1) Nature Mental Health.

### Recovery from Moral Injuries

{% embed url="<https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_recover_after_acting_against_your_own_values>?" %}

{% embed url="<https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_todays_righteous_violence_turns_into_tomorrows_psychological_suffering>?" %}

> &#x20;You remember the decisions you made with adrenaline screaming in your ears. You remember your first gunfight and how your hand hurt for days from how hard you were squeezing the pistol grip on your M-4. That distance between who you were and who you are is what [moral injury](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_recover_after_acting_against_your_own_values) really is. It’s not post-traumatic stress disorder; it’s not nightmares or jumpiness or noise. It’s the collapse of the story you told yourself to get through the war, the collapse of the person you thought you were.

### Contextual Behavior Science

{% embed url="<https://beingprosocial.substack.com/p/six-core-ideas-from-contextual-behavioural>" %}

### Anxiety: Work - Life Balance: Data 2025:&#x20;

And in a warning sign of a breakdown in trust between employers and younger workers, the proportion of 18-24-year-olds who would feel comfortable opening up to a line manager about pressure and stress dropped sharply from 75% in the Burnout Report 2024 to 56% in the past year.

> *“**We’re calling on employers to reconsider the approach to mental health and explore reasonable adjustments and workplace wellbeing initiatives in collaboration with their young employees. Otherwise, they risk losing out on the newest generation of workers as they either seek employment elsewhere or disengage.** Unfortunately, many organisations still offer 20th century mental health support for a 21st century workforce. Companies understandably have their bottom lines to bear in mind, but **improved mental health support will benefit all workers and boost productivity, and should be seen as a win-win.”*** \
> Brian Dow, Chief Executive of Mental Health UK

{% embed url="<https://mentalhealth-uk.org/blog/burnout-report-2025-reveals-generational-divide-in-levels-of-stress-and-work-absence/>" %}

#### Trauma, Environments, and Healing

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2025/dec/01/it-was-extremely-pornographic-cara-hunter-on-the-deepfake-video-that-nearly-ended-her-political-career>" %}

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/nov/28/utah-valley-university-charlie-kirk>" %}

> In a recent live interview with the [Washington Post](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a0yxly0DkY), the UVU president, Dr Astrid Tuminez, responded cautiously when asked about the plans for a Kirk memorial. She urged students and the committee to think carefully about the purpose of memorials, asking: “What do we want to memorialize?” and “Twenty or thirty years from now, is this a memorial everybody can love and be proud of?”
>
> José, 19, doesn’t think the university has any control over the legacy, saying: “I don’t think anyone wants that to be our legacy. People come here to study and do their work. Nobody wants to be tied to that event.”
>
> What he wants people to remember is something quieter and more ordinary. “UVU is more than what happened. It promotes unity, collaboration, hard work and community,” he said. “I want people not to judge it based on that day.”

#### Thermodynamics of Work-Life Balance and Cultural Expectations

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/nov/15/burned-out-physics-helped-understand-hard-work-success-science>" %}

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/nov/16/is-there-a-dark-side-to-gratitude>" %}

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/nov/24/horror-stories-feminised-workplace-crisis-male-identity-women>" %}

### The Dynamics of Cults

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/science/2025/nov/19/how-to-leave-a-cult-experts-intervention>" %}

> Kelly and Ryan are not looking to convince people of any particular version of reality or truth. They do not seem to be interested in truth at all, really. **When you use your experience to test whether or not something is true (the holiness of a guru, the righteousness of a cause) then, Ryan told me: “The person who gives you that experience will own you.” Their work is to usher people into a state of skepticism about the conclusion they have drawn from their experiences; beginning to open them up to the idea that individual experience is not the same as truth or reality.**\
> They neither fully endorse cults’ rights to exist, nor consider groups as bad per se. They arrive from as ideologically empty a place as they can, a skeptical place that is neither here, nor there. Doing work like this, the big question of epistemology, of what we can know and what to believe, become everyday practical quandaries.
>
> “I just know what is not real,” Ryan told me once. Take even the broadest existential question: what are we doing here?
>
> “The only way that can be answered, in my mind, is by a feeling,” he said. “And, that feeling is so easily manipulated.”

### Anxiety: Data, Medications ( Data from 2021)

Anxiety is the [most common](https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/mental-illnesses-prevalence) mental health condition globally. It’s estimated that [4% to 5%](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders) of people in the world have an anxiety disorder at any given time.

Long-term surveys in the United States suggest that around [one-third of people](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder) experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.[<sup>1</sup>](https://ourworldindata.org/timeline-anxiety-medications?utm_source=OWID+Newsletter\&utm_campaign=b89ec79386-owid-brief-2025-11-14\&utm_medium=email\&utm_term=0_-0c7f305164-599450460#note-1)

There is often poor data on the prevalence of mental health conditions, especially in lower-income countries. Even in rich countries, these figures might be an undercount due to the stigma that many feel in admitting they struggle with mental health.

That means most of us will either struggle with anxiety ourselves or know someone close who has or will. This is also true for the two of us, and seeing how big an impact it can have on people’s everyday lives, we know that having effective treatments that alleviate or at least reduce symptoms can be life-changing.

In this article, we examine the history of pharmacological treatments — specifically, drugs — used to treat anxiety since the 1950s. These have changed a lot in the five decades until the early 2000s, but there have been no new anxiety medications approved since 2004.[<sup>2</sup>](https://ourworldindata.org/timeline-anxiety-medications?utm_source=OWID+Newsletter\&utm_campaign=b89ec79386-owid-brief-2025-11-14\&utm_medium=email\&utm_term=0_-0c7f305164-599450460#note-2)\
<https://ourworldindata.org/timeline-anxiety-medications?>

### Research: Wealth Reduces Compassion, Perspectives

{% embed url="<https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-wealth-reduces-compassion/>" %}

{% embed url="<https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-025-01493-2>" %}

### Coercive Control

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jun/07/coercive-control-sally-challen-domestic-abuse-bill>" %}

{% embed url="<https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/feb/21/jane-monckton-smith-in-control-domestic-abuse-murder-public-protection>" %}

But we know we’ve got an adversarial system so we need to be able to circumvent some of the problems it raises. If lawyers and judges had more knowledge about how domestic abuse works that would then become part of the adversarial arguments. I also think courts need to recognise the power dynamic.\
\
In this book, she argues that people rarely murder their partners or ex-partners on a whim. Rather, almost invariably, the killing is the culmination of a clearly defined eight-stage timeline. They know what they are doing. Forceful and manipulative, ending their partner/ex-partner’s life, and convincing others they were justified in doing so (often in a court of law), is the ultimate demonstration of their power.\
By breaking down the domestic homicide timeline into these eight distinct phases, Monckton-Smith has shown us what to look out for in controlling and coercive relationships and, just as importantly, what to target to arrest the progression, to save a life.\
<https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10544534/>

#### Gemini Prompt: please explain the phenomena associated with abusive people being blind to the fact that they are abusive....from politicians to children

#### 🧠 Psychological & Neuroscientific Explanation

**The blindness to their own abuse is not typically a simple lack of information, but an active, often unconscious, process of self-deception that protects their ego and self-image.**

* **Cognitive Distortions and Denial:** Abusive individuals often employ powerful defense mechanisms like denial and rationalization. They create a distorted view of reality where their actions are always justified, excused ("I was having a bad day," "It was a joke"), or necessary for "control" or "discipline." This allows them to maintain a positive self-image and avoid the cognitive dissonance (mental stress) that would arise from recognizing they are a harmful person.
* **Externalizing Blame (Projection):** A common tactic, often called projection, is to shift the blame for their actions entirely onto the victim. The abuser truly believes the victim "made them do it," "deserved it," or is "too sensitive." This mechanism completely negates their responsibility and reinforces their self-perception as the victim or the one who is right.
* **Lack of Empathy:** Many abusers exhibit diminished capacity for empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Without fully registering the victim's emotional pain, the abuser is less likely to view their actions as harmful or abusive. This diminished empathy can be linked to traits of personality disorders like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD).
* **Neurological Correlates:** Studies in neuroscience suggest that certain structural and functional differences in the brain may correlate with abusive behavior, particularly in areas associated with emotional regulation and empathy, such as the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. Early exposure to stress or trauma can deregulate a person's developing neurobiological system, potentially leading to later problems with emotional regulation and a hypersensitivity to perceived threats, which can manifest as abusive behavior.

***

### 🛡️ Recommended Approach for Dealing with Abusive Humans

The recommended approach focuses on self-protection, setting and enforcing boundaries, and disengagement, rather than attempting to convince the abuser of their behavior, which is often unproductive or dangerous.

#### 1. Prioritize Your Safety and Well-being

* **Recognize the Pattern:** Acknowledge that the behavior is a pattern of abuse, not an isolated incident or a misunderstanding. Understand that the goal of the abuse is power and control.
* **Seek Support:** Contact a domestic violence or abuse hotline or seek a trauma-informed therapist. These resources can provide personalized advice, safety planning, and emotional support.

#### 2. Set and Enforce Clear Boundaries

* **Define Your Limits:** Clearly determine what behavior you will and will not tolerate. Be specific (e.g., "If you call me a name, I will immediately end the conversation").
* **Maintain Consistency:** The critical step is to follow through on your stated boundaries every single time. Abusers rely on testing and eroding boundaries. If you state a boundary and then fail to enforce it, the boundary loses all meaning.
* **Disengage from "The Argument":** Do not engage in arguments, debates, or attempts to convince the abuser of your reality. This is often a manipulative tactic (sometimes called "The Turn-Around Game") where the abuser seeks to put you on the defensive and shift the focus off their actions.

#### 3. Minimize or End Contact

* **Reduce Contact ("Grey Rock"):** Where possible, minimize your interaction. The "Grey Rock" method involves making yourself as uninteresting and non-reactive as a grey rock when interaction is necessary, providing very short, factual, and unemotional responses.
* **Establish No Contact:** In cases of severe or prolonged abuse, the safest and most recommended approach is to end the relationship and go No Contact. This means blocking all communication and refusing to engage, which is the only way to fully break the cycle of abuse and manipulation.

***

Connecting with trained professionals can provide the specific, confidential support and resources you need for your situation, including safety planning and local referrals.

Here are highly-recommended, free, and confidential national resources for support related to abuse, including emotional and domestic violence.

### 🤝 National Abuse & Crisis Resources (U.S.)

| **Resource**                                          | **Service Provided**                                                                                                          | **Contact Methods**                                                       |
| ----------------------------------------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| The National Domestic Violence Hotline                | Provides confidential support, crisis intervention, safety planning, education, and referrals to local services and shelters. | Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)                                               |
|                                                       |                                                                                                                               | Text: Text START to 88788                                                 |
|                                                       |                                                                                                                               | Chat: [The Hotline Website (thehotline.org)](https://www.thehotline.org/) |
| Crisis Text Line                                      | Free, confidential support for anyone in crisis, including those experiencing emotional abuse, available 24/7.                | Text: Text HOME or CONNECT to 741741                                      |
| StrongHearts Native Helpline                          | A confidential, 24/7 culturally-appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans.              | Call or Text: 1-844-7NATIVE (1-844-762-8483)                              |
| National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (Love Is Respect) | Specifically for teens and young adults experiencing abuse or questioning the health of a relationship.                       | Call: 1-866-331-9474                                                      |
|                                                       |                                                                                                                               | Text: Text LOVEIS to 22522                                                |

***

#### 🚨 Remember: If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.

Please be aware of your digital safety when looking up or contacting resources. If you are concerned that your computer or phone use is being monitored, it is best to use a safe device (like a public library computer, a friend's phone, or a work computer) or call a hotline directly.

### **Articles and Resources**

<https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/nov/13/mexico-sexual-abuse-president-groped>\
\&#xNAN;*“There’s a theory that if we include it in the penal code and increase the penalties, making it a harsher punishment, meaning more years in prison, then it will prevent people from doing it,” she said. “That’s the theory, but there’s no evidence to support it. It hasn’t been proven that this is a realistic, or long-term measure.”*

*Rather, the activists said, the government should be focused on educational campaigns to bring about a societal shift where this kind of abuse is no longer viewed as acceptable.*

*“There has to be cultural change in masculinity,” said López. “What are we doing so that men have a masculinity that isn’t toxic, that isn’t violent, that isn’t invasive – so that they’re not abusive?”*

[*https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/nov/12/female-politicians-such-as-mexicos-claudia-sheinbaum-face-backlash-driven-by-discrimination*](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/nov/12/female-politicians-such-as-mexicos-claudia-sheinbaum-face-backlash-driven-by-discrimination)\
*“It’s definitely part of a pattern,” said Zeina Hilal, of the Inter-Parliamentary Union, the global organisation of national parliaments. “It’s really an illustration of what women in politics are facing.”*

*In 2016, the organisation* [*surveyed*](http://archive.ipu.org/pdf/publications/issuesbrief-e.pdf) *55 female politicians from 39 countries about their experiences of sexism, harassment and violence.*

[*The Guardian view on the assault of Mexico’s Claudia Sheinbaum: when a president is groped, no woman can feel safeRead more*](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/nov/09/the-guardian-view-on-the-assault-of-mexicos-claudia-sheinbaum-when-a-president-is-groped-no-woman-can-feel-safe)

[*What they found*](http://archive.ipu.org/press-e/pressrelease201610261.htm#gsc.tab=0) *was alarming; 82% reported experiencing psychological violence, a category that included sexist remarks as well as persistent and intimidating behaviour, while 44% reported receiving death threats or threats of rape or beatings.*\
\
*“Threats or physical aggression, persistent undermining, sexualised harassment or efforts to delegitimise a woman’s authority – all these reinforce patriarchal boundaries,” she said.*
